We've just endured ANOTHER round of Bash/Praise
Indigo. Every time this happens, I am hurt,
humiliated, and embarrassed. Sometimes, as it did
this round, it depresses me beyond measure.
Rarely is another poster treated in such a disgraceful
fashion. Much has to do with the Rumplestilskinian
need to know my real name--as though it really matters
(how do we know who you are, and do we really care;
isn't it the substance of what we post and not our
personalities/flaws?). If my real name were Buford
Buffalo, and I preferred to be called Spike, wouldn't
it be just plain disrespectful on list to call me
Buford? If my name is Jane Lily Jones, but I
preferred to be called Lily, wouldn't that be
disrespectful? Here I am Indigo. I haven't really
given but a few permission to call me anything else.
I'm not asking you for anything but the simple respect
of another human being who came here as you did to
learn and offer the tidbits I had that might help
others. These repeated bashings are disgraceful
considering the level of intelligence on this list and
highly uncalled for. I kept as quiet as I possibly
could this volley, but never have I come closer to
walking away from it all. I am not saying this now
for any more attention. It's just another night when
I cannot sleep for the pain that has been thrust my
way. We had another, male, other than USA member who
took exception to the postings of a strong American
female and decided to disrupt the list. How dare we
allow that, and I recognize that now that it is quiet,
this may be considered disruptive. Since so many of
you decided to talk about me, I decided it's time to
defend myself.
The link in my tag line was created in large measure
because of this list. It's on a free site, I garner
no income, and I used to pass the links there
privately to list members who came here saying I need
a job, so one weekend I sat down and organized them,
and now, so as to discourage those hire me posts, it's
in my tag line, and the information has some
organizaiton to it.
I neither started the disabilities thread, nor the
alcoholism one. If someone wants to take exception to
those, take it up with the originator and not me. I,
like a number, was a contributor. I have subject
matter life experience/expertise in both and felt
qualified to add. I have posted 29 times since the
beginning of the year and contributed to 23 threads.
Of those 29 posts, at least 6 were an attempt to
diffuse list rancor. My posts represent 1.61% of
those offered since January 1, and I have contributed
to 2.74% of the total threads offered in that time. I
cannot fathom that I am being overly boorish in this
regard.
One can no longer get the list of participants by
asking for the file, but you can find out how many are
on list. As of April 11, there were 3,364 members on
list, 90 of whom chose not to make their email address
visible to anyone. Since the first of the year,
41.08% of the list has chosen to post.
While I did not check for redudancies from week to
week or look to see if a subject was changed slightly
and was the same thread, there have been a total of
1,802 posts since 01/01/04, comprising 840 threads,
representing a theoretical 1,382 posters EXCEPT that
there are multiples embedded therein. 1,382 is the
total adding together all posters for each week, but
many of the posters posted from week to week.
In that time, in my most profound moments, I
contributed to 3.79% of the posts, and 5.88% of the
threads. Many are the weeks I didn't contribute a
thing. My posts were offered to diffuse anger, offer
advice requested, give praise, or recommend the free
lists I have available. Except for this one, they
were not offered for the purpose of talking about me.
So how do I compare with some of the other
listers--since some have concerns that this shouldn't
just be a chat forum? In the period since January 1,
a random sampling of some of the regulars included
these figures (compared to my 29, and 1.61% of the
posts):
Janzen 41 2.28%
R. Smith 39 2.16%
West 39 2.16%
Burlakoff 38 2.11%
Perry 24 1.33%
Fuller 20 1.11%
Harvey 20 1.11%
Heuman 19 1.05%
Haberstitch 17 0.94%
Klein 16 0.89%
Schulte 16 0.89%
Needham 15 0.83%
Tuskers 10 0.55%
As you can see, I am neither the most profound, nor am
I the most prolific. I see no movement to censure
those who are more profound and more blatantly here to
advertise than I.
People have left this list because someone didn't like
me. I am not George Bush, John Kerry, or Tony Blair.
Being here is not a political contest, and I am not
running for Miss America. I'm not asking for your
vote, and I dont' deserve your condemnation and open
criticism.
I am not ashamed of who I am, and I no longer require
the anonymity I needed when I first signed on, but I
prefer it. The deeds I do for the common good do not
need to be attributed to the real me but to some
anonymous soul who saw a need and attempted to match
it. Nothing more than that. I work full time, and my
boss knows of the work I do. He wholeheartedly
supports it, so that if some public outing was for the
purpose of humiliation, it failed.
I don't recall ever chastising the list in the six
years I have been here. I am very grateful to all
those who have repeatedly stepped up to my defense,
and I am again humiliated that it had to be so. We
have the gift on this list of freedom--in large
measure--to say what we will. The list is very
loosely moderated.
But I hope to hell I never have to go through another
disgraceful barrage as what I just endured. Even some
of those who said to the effect that they didn't
really mind after all as long as I was not overly
verbose have privately, in times past, harangued.
That I find amusing. The cause of this latest
blasting is still on list though the email they used
this second time has again been closed. It is a
cowardly soul who posts under another name and doesn't
what to expose who he really is or his personal
motives for besmirching me and my reputation. Long
ago, I told you my name. Long ago, I explained, in
the archives for all to read, why I used a pseudonym.
I'm not going to do it again unless entirely vexed.
I would expect a list full of highly educated, very
cultured people would not have to go through such
egregious conduct, but mental unhealth falls in all
segments of the population, and what I just endured,
and you had to experience by proxy, was sick. Maybe
that troubled soul will get the counseling they so
obviously, painfully need.
If you're offended by my words, I apologize. It's
never been my intention to hurt anyone on this list.
But I'll be damned for eternity if I will sit by
silently and let others hurt me publically or
privately. At the very least, I have that right as a
sentient human being.
I do not intend to continue this thread, but I will
not let my silence be construed as permission to do it
again.
If this thread offends you, you know where the delete
key is, and you are either intelligent enough to use
it or have no business being on a computer in a public
forum.
And please, if you want to comment about this post,
take it off list and address me privately. I care
enough about the collective not to put them through
it. My membership fee for this list has cost me pain.
It's been far too pricey from where I sit.
=====
Indigo Nights
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