We've just endured ANOTHER round of Bash/Praise Indigo. Every time this happens, I am hurt, humiliated, and embarrassed. Sometimes, as it did this round, it depresses me beyond measure. Rarely is another poster treated in such a disgraceful fashion. Much has to do with the Rumplestilskinian need to know my real name--as though it really matters (how do we know who you are, and do we really care; isn't it the substance of what we post and not our personalities/flaws?). If my real name were Buford Buffalo, and I preferred to be called Spike, wouldn't it be just plain disrespectful on list to call me Buford? If my name is Jane Lily Jones, but I preferred to be called Lily, wouldn't that be disrespectful? Here I am Indigo. I haven't really given but a few permission to call me anything else. I'm not asking you for anything but the simple respect of another human being who came here as you did to learn and offer the tidbits I had that might help others. These repeated bashings are disgraceful considering the level of intelligence on this list and highly uncalled for. I kept as quiet as I possibly could this volley, but never have I come closer to walking away from it all. I am not saying this now for any more attention. It's just another night when I cannot sleep for the pain that has been thrust my way. We had another, male, other than USA member who took exception to the postings of a strong American female and decided to disrupt the list. How dare we allow that, and I recognize that now that it is quiet, this may be considered disruptive. Since so many of you decided to talk about me, I decided it's time to defend myself. The link in my tag line was created in large measure because of this list. It's on a free site, I garner no income, and I used to pass the links there privately to list members who came here saying I need a job, so one weekend I sat down and organized them, and now, so as to discourage those hire me posts, it's in my tag line, and the information has some organizaiton to it. I neither started the disabilities thread, nor the alcoholism one. If someone wants to take exception to those, take it up with the originator and not me. I, like a number, was a contributor. I have subject matter life experience/expertise in both and felt qualified to add. I have posted 29 times since the beginning of the year and contributed to 23 threads. Of those 29 posts, at least 6 were an attempt to diffuse list rancor. My posts represent 1.61% of those offered since January 1, and I have contributed to 2.74% of the total threads offered in that time. I cannot fathom that I am being overly boorish in this regard. One can no longer get the list of participants by asking for the file, but you can find out how many are on list. As of April 11, there were 3,364 members on list, 90 of whom chose not to make their email address visible to anyone. Since the first of the year, 41.08% of the list has chosen to post. While I did not check for redudancies from week to week or look to see if a subject was changed slightly and was the same thread, there have been a total of 1,802 posts since 01/01/04, comprising 840 threads, representing a theoretical 1,382 posters EXCEPT that there are multiples embedded therein. 1,382 is the total adding together all posters for each week, but many of the posters posted from week to week. In that time, in my most profound moments, I contributed to 3.79% of the posts, and 5.88% of the threads. Many are the weeks I didn't contribute a thing. My posts were offered to diffuse anger, offer advice requested, give praise, or recommend the free lists I have available. Except for this one, they were not offered for the purpose of talking about me. So how do I compare with some of the other listers--since some have concerns that this shouldn't just be a chat forum? In the period since January 1, a random sampling of some of the regulars included these figures (compared to my 29, and 1.61% of the posts): Janzen 41 2.28% R. Smith 39 2.16% West 39 2.16% Burlakoff 38 2.11% Perry 24 1.33% Fuller 20 1.11% Harvey 20 1.11% Heuman 19 1.05% Haberstitch 17 0.94% Klein 16 0.89% Schulte 16 0.89% Needham 15 0.83% Tuskers 10 0.55% As you can see, I am neither the most profound, nor am I the most prolific. I see no movement to censure those who are more profound and more blatantly here to advertise than I. People have left this list because someone didn't like me. I am not George Bush, John Kerry, or Tony Blair. Being here is not a political contest, and I am not running for Miss America. I'm not asking for your vote, and I dont' deserve your condemnation and open criticism. I am not ashamed of who I am, and I no longer require the anonymity I needed when I first signed on, but I prefer it. The deeds I do for the common good do not need to be attributed to the real me but to some anonymous soul who saw a need and attempted to match it. Nothing more than that. I work full time, and my boss knows of the work I do. He wholeheartedly supports it, so that if some public outing was for the purpose of humiliation, it failed. I don't recall ever chastising the list in the six years I have been here. I am very grateful to all those who have repeatedly stepped up to my defense, and I am again humiliated that it had to be so. We have the gift on this list of freedom--in large measure--to say what we will. The list is very loosely moderated. But I hope to hell I never have to go through another disgraceful barrage as what I just endured. Even some of those who said to the effect that they didn't really mind after all as long as I was not overly verbose have privately, in times past, harangued. That I find amusing. The cause of this latest blasting is still on list though the email they used this second time has again been closed. It is a cowardly soul who posts under another name and doesn't what to expose who he really is or his personal motives for besmirching me and my reputation. Long ago, I told you my name. Long ago, I explained, in the archives for all to read, why I used a pseudonym. I'm not going to do it again unless entirely vexed. I would expect a list full of highly educated, very cultured people would not have to go through such egregious conduct, but mental unhealth falls in all segments of the population, and what I just endured, and you had to experience by proxy, was sick. Maybe that troubled soul will get the counseling they so obviously, painfully need. If you're offended by my words, I apologize. It's never been my intention to hurt anyone on this list. But I'll be damned for eternity if I will sit by silently and let others hurt me publically or privately. At the very least, I have that right as a sentient human being. I do not intend to continue this thread, but I will not let my silence be construed as permission to do it again. If this thread offends you, you know where the delete key is, and you are either intelligent enough to use it or have no business being on a computer in a public forum. And please, if you want to comment about this post, take it off list and address me privately. I care enough about the collective not to put them through it. My membership fee for this list has cost me pain. It's been far too pricey from where I sit. ===== Indigo Nights [log in to unmask] Looking for a Job? 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