-Date: 06 May 1998 07:34
Subject: MUS: soap opera, episode 8


I thought I might mention a couple of other art imitates life museum
transfusions.

Many years ago British author Angus Wilson wrote a nasty little short story
called "Realpolitick" about a new director being inflicted on the staff of a
provincial gallery by the trustees. The new director is politically a major
operator, but, naturally, knows nothing about museums. A nasty little story
and still quite relevant.

Copyrighted and privately published about fifteen years ago by someone named
Judy Johnson was "The Museum Manual" from Joe's Matchbox University.  It
contains such helpful advice as "Trustees: Keep 'em swacked!  For the next
Board meeting, get out the Revere Punch Bowl (the real one)--they will like
to think they're worthy of this--and mix up the following libation: 1 gallon
gin, eight strawberries, and red food colouring..."  It also advises how to
successfully use period bedrooms to consummate affairs (stay away from the
beds with mocked up mattresses 'cause nothing will sink an affair like
crashing to the floor in a welter of quarter inch plywood and jacquard
coverlets.  It suggests dealing with the trustee who is concerned about
collection care by deliberately breaking a small object and giving it to him
or her to conserve.
In a similar vein, someone gave me a photocopy of a flyer for the "Dean
Bradford MBA School"'s correspondence course in museum management--"Learn
how to practice basic arithmetic while sitting up late with bored and
irritable strangers!"  complete with testimonials "You are exactly right in
everything you say! My wife and I started out with just a small display case
in her community college, and now we have our own museum of contemporary
art!  Thank you a million times!"   I circulated this thing to staff with a
straight-faced cover memo of endorsement, and people thought it was on the
level.
I can't imagine why there hasn't been a situation comedy set in a museum on
the tube; probably because black humour never works on television.