MOM - Job Description

>

> POSITION: Mother, Mom, Mama

>

> JOB DESCRIPTION: Long term, team players needed for challenging permanent

work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent

communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable

hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24-hour shifts

on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive

camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away

cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also

required.

>

> RESPONSIBILITIES: The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at

least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue

repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be

able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time,

the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be

willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget

repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone

calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework

projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for

clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be

indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly

and product safety testing of a half million cheap plastic toys, and

battery-operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for

the worst. Must assume final , complete accountability for the quality of

the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and

janitorial work throughout the facility.

>

> POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT &PROMOTION: Virtually none. Your job is to

remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly

retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can

ultimately surpass you

>

> PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None required, unfortunately. On-the-job training

offered on a continually exhausting basis.

>

> WAGES AND COMPENSATION: Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises

and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the

assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When

you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this

reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only

do more.

>

> BENEFITS: While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition

reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered, this job

provides limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life

if you play your cards right.

>

PeaceNick