Belinda,

My advice is to LET IT GO.  Frankly, your concerns seem more appropriate for
"Dear Abby" than for this Listserve.  That being said, however, there are a
few things to think about.

1. You state your record of volunteerism.  Good for you for giving so much of
your time and energy!  I'm sure the gallery experience will be useful in your
future endeavors. REMEMBER THAT.

2. You should maintain a positive attitude about this work experience, both in
reflection and your future career.  NEVER burn bridges.  Unless you (and your
boyfriend) grossly misbehaved on your last day "farewell," (or any other time)
there is no reason to NOT use this gallery as a reference.  Is there anyone
else in this gallery that might serve as a reliable reference?

3. Related to the above issue, I offer this caveat.  Please don't be offended
by my remarks.  From the tone of your plea, and guessing about your education
level, you (and your boyfriend) sound young and somewhat inexperienced in
dealing with people in this kind of (unfortunate) circumstance.  It may not
need to be said, as you may have already deduced this yourself, but
essentially your boyfriend LIED to the curator.  He SHOULD have said, and
nothing more, "I'm sorry, but we're moving out of town in a couple of days.
I'm sure Belinda would like to stay in touch with you. Does she have your
BUSINESS card?" Period. Or something to that effect.  By lying to the curator,
your boyfriend may have irked the curator more than this simple (but
DIPLOMATIC) "Thanks, but I'm not interested" would have. Now you have to deal
with the fact that the curator may call the disconnected number or receive an
"unknown address" email, or worse, may contact some unknowing person by email,
because your boyfriend had to make up a lie. That kind of scenario happens in
bars all the time. NOT a very professional interaction, on ANYONE's part.  In
effect, you have set the tone for NOT being able to use the curator as a
reference.  Too bad. Not a very mature move.

4. Lots of people (gay AND straight) receive unsolicited advances. It is
really unfortunate that this curator acted in (as you describe) this
unprofessional manner.  It would have been your (yours because your boyfriend
represented you in this setting) opportunity to react in a VERY professional
manner.  I hope you both learned something from the encounter.

5. Although you say you harbor no ill feelings toward gay people, your actions
(and those of your boyfriend) seem to prove (if only subliminally) otherwise.
I would ask of you, personally, to not let the actions of ONE individual
influence your perceptions of a significant part of our population.  We all
make stupid mistakes when we get nervous, as your boyfriend did.  We all need
to "lighten up."  You will be happier in the long run.  By the way, it sounds
like YOU were more insulted than your BOYFRIEND.  Don't let that kind of
nonsense get in the way of your career.  You will meet ALL KINDS of people
(good and bad, gay and straight, black and white, young and old) out there.
Better to learn something good from all of this.

Good luck to you.

Greg

 >===== Original Message From Museum discussion list
<[log in to unmask]> =====
>Hello Everyone::
>
>This is a bit of an odd question...to begin, I have been volunteering at
>a commercial gallery consistently from Sept 2000-April 2001 and have
>been showing up at regular time and spending more time volunteering then
>I had originally thought.  I am also the only volunteer at this
>gallery.  I have enjoyed this experience and have looked up to the
>curator, who will remain unnamed.  However, today I went in for my last
>day to say "good bye" as I am only here for school (University), and now
>that finals are done I am heading home.  This was known and it was nice
>to get together to talk with the curator.  I should also mention that I
>went in with my boyfriend whom he (the curator) has met previously (many
>times as my boyfriend has at times dropped me off; the curator also
>knows that we have been dating for a few years).  I should also mention
>that the curator is gay, and is openly gay (by the way I do not have any
>problems with this).  What happened is that he (the curator) ended up
>asking my boyfriend for his number and his e-mail which my boyfriend
>gave knowing that his number will be disconnected in two days as he is
>moving too.  As for the e-mail he gave the wrong one. I don't know what
>I should do or if I should do anything, this has caused me to feel
>unappreciated, insulted and I feel strongly angry at myself for not
>saying anything.  My boyfriend has been supportive and is insulted by
>this curator, and feels that he is "not a good person".  This is
>especially magnified, since he didn't ask for my contacts and made it so
>blatantly obvious that he was "interested" only in my boyfriend, as he
>numerously interrupted me to talk to my boyfriend.
>I personally do not feel that this curator is useful in terms of
>"resume/reference" and still feel deeply hurt by this event.  I guess
>what I am asking then is for the museum-L subscriber to advise me if I
>should do anything or not?  And if anyone has been in some similar
>position what to do??
>Thank you for all those who reply, your advice will be greatly
>appreciated as I am left hurt by this incident.
>~Belinda
>
>=========================================================
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Greg Stevens
M.A.T. Candidate 2001
Museum Education Program
The George Washington University

=========================================================
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