I second every word.

Carolyn Breedlove

----- Original Message -----
From: "Astrida Schaeffer" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Monday, June 30, 2003 12:08 PM
Subject: Re: Babies in museums


> OK, I had vowed to step away from the breastfeeding debate but this post
> bothered me. When my daughter was an infant, she went with me to a wide
> variety of museums and galleries. I couldn't afford a babysitter. She also
> loved nursing, but consistently refused a bottle, so expressing beforehand
> was not an option. Babies, like people, are not all alike. You can have
all
> sorts of expectations, but babies will happily ignore them.
>
> So what did I do when she began to fuss in a museum? I am one of those
> parents who tried to be considerate of the experience of other patrons. So
I
> never let her get worked up before I dealt with the situation. If there
was
> a secluded area available, I used it to nurse. I even resorted to
bathrooms
> when I had to. (In my case, it wasn't out of shame, but out of need as my
> ultra-curious infant would not nurse if there was anything interesting
going
> on, even if she was hungry.)
>
> Today my daughter is six. She grew up going to museums and as a result,
she
> knows how to behave in one. She knows about not running, not touching, not
> shouting. She also knows  about pointillism and still life and sculpture
and
> the expressive possibilities of media used by artists. She knows how lives
> once looked different without the material objects we have around us
today.
> She knows how people dressed differently and did different things--and
that
> some things have not changed. She can tell you how the oils on your hands
> can damage art--she wouldn't even touch a pair of white gloves I had in my
> office because she didn't want to soil them for when I needed them later.
> Granted, she is the child of a museum professional. But most of what she
> knows about art and historical museums was learned by going to them.
>
> She also knows how to behave in movie theaters and fine restaurants. She
can
> sit through a full-length ballet. Whenever we're on an airplane, she is so
> well-behaved that inevitably the person in front of her is surprised at
the
> end of the flight that they were sitting in front of a child. She says
> please and thank you without prompting. She is intensely creative and
> erudite.
>
> She didn't get this way by being left at home. She got this way by
> experience and exposure. Is she perfect? No. She's six and she can drive
me
> nuts. She can squirm so much I'm amazed she doesn't give off light. She
has
> her bad days. But she has always been treated with respect and has always
> returned that respect accordingly. The groundwork laid when she was an
> infant bore fruit later on, when she was old enough to alter her actions
to
> suit expectations of behavior.
>
> She would be a very different child if she'd always been left at home. In
> fact, it's the kids who DO get left at home all the time who don't know
how
> to behave in public settings.
>
>
> Astrida
> ******************
> Astrida Schaeffer, Assistant Director
> The Art Gallery
> University of New Hampshire
> Paul Creative Arts Center
> 30 College Road
> Durham, NH 03824
> (603) 862-3712
> [log in to unmask]
>
> ******************
>
>
>
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: John Martinson [mailto:[log in to unmask]]
> > Sent: Monday, June 30, 2003 12:15 PM
> > To: [log in to unmask]
> > Subject: Re: Visitor conduct, sensitive issues...
> >
> >
> > I believe we are ignoring one important factor with this
> > issue, and that is
> > the "other"
> > guest, patrons or visitors in the gallery.   When the infant
> > is crying and
> > screaming for
> > food, why not ask the other guest if they are being disturbed
> > by the noise
> > level?
> >
> > Guest/patrons paid good money to enjoy their visit to the
> > gallery, and with
> > a screaming
> > child wanting food---do they deserve to have their experience
> > and visited
> > ruined?
> > Why not allow nursing mothers in libraries?  Movies?
> >
> > When someone is trying to study, read, etc., having any noise
> > is difficult.
> > And I'm
> > sorry, galleries, libraries and movie houses are just not suited for
> > infants, when other
> > people are trying to enjoy the event.   I've been to many movies and
> > galleries, and it often
> > takes two-to-ten minutes of crying before the baby settles down or the
> > parents have the consideration for others to take their
> > infant out.   But,
> > by then the rest of us missed the movie or cannot even enjoy
> > our own visit.
> > I beleive many theathers have on their previews instructions
> > to remove a
> > crying child, and many have lounges to handle nursing an infant.
> >
> > I have no intention of being crude by saying this, but as far as women
> > feeding their babies in public is it preverted to look?
> > Hey, I'm a guy!
> > ;o)  But, other women also look, including children.   I
> > would look at a
> > women top-less at a beach or exposing herself in a public
> > place.  It is not
> > preverted.   Sometimes you look because you are shocked to
> > see a breast
> > hanging out in public or someone running around topless.  Remember the
> > streaking days?   You cannot help from looking---but it
> > distrubed the game
> > or event.  Even in many churches, infants are provided a
> > nusery.  Maybe this
> > may solve the issue.
> >
> > Again, nursing mothers can express milk before they go out
> > for the evening
> > to stop that hurting nibble.  They can also get a baby sitter
> > for a few
> > hours to get out and enjoy a gallery/museum (I'm sure most
> > mother's would
> > like the time away) without distrubing other guest that would
> > like some
> > peace and enjoyment while visiting the gallery.
> >
> > Again, IMHO, it is ignornate for parents to bring infants to
> > such public
> > places, when the infant/child is to young to even know what
> > they are seeing
> > or doing.   And for them (the parents or mother) to destroy
> > my enjoyment, or
> > that of other patrons is inconsiderate, rude and should not
> > be allowed in a
> > public place where others have paid admission to see and enjoy.   As a
> > guest, I would demand my money back.   Galleries and exhibits
> > are spaces to
> > learn -- and it is a proven fact that it is difficult to
> > learn with noise
> > and distractions are taking place.
> >
> > Again, the focus has been on the nursing mother, and we have
> > ignored the
> > rest of the visitors' enjoyment.   A crying baby or nursing
> > mother is a
> > distraction, that should be handled in a private area,
> > leaving the rest of
> > the patrons free to relax and enjoy the gallery.  The parent
> > should have the
> > reasoning to take the child out, handle the issue or have the
> > resources
> > there to calm the child immediately or not bring the infant at all.
> >
> > This has nothing to do with ole' Victorian customs, but just
> > common courtesy
> > for the rest of our guest.
> >
> > ~~~  Toro!
> >
> > John
> >
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