Can I get your bf's # too?!


>From: Audra Oliver <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: Museum discussion list <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: Insulted by Curator, Seek Advice
>Date: Sat, 28 Apr 2001 09:02:20 -0600
>
>I think many of the points that Steve made are very valid.  Certainly she
>should keep in mind that she gave many hours and had a very beneficial
>experience.
>However, Belinda should not be held accountable for her friend's actions
>except for the innocent decision to bring him.  She could have avoided the
>bad feel by going by herself to say goodbye.  In most employee/employer
>relationships, it seems preferable for the employee to appear alone.
>She now faces a situation where needs to smooth this situation over as she
>leaves town. She may be able to move the ending focus back to herself by
>dropping the curator a thank you note and mentioning again that she is
>moving.  I would omit any reference to the ending to the last meeting and
>any reference to the friend.
>
>  ----- Original Message -----
>From: "John Suau" <[log in to unmask]>
>To: <[log in to unmask]>
>Sent: Saturday, April 28, 2001 5:17 AM
>Subject: Re: Insulted by Curator, Seek Advice
>
>
> > Well put, Steven.  Thank you for articulating a tolerant attitude
>towards
> > "difference." Perhaps, Belinda, because you know that the curator is
>gay,
> > you assume (as many straight men and women do) that any interest in
>another
> > person of the same sex is necessarily tied to that person's sexual
>desires.
> > I don't quite understand how asking for your boyfriend's e-mail and
>phone
> > and asking him about his work? (you neglected to tell us what they
>talked
> > about) is automatically be a "come on."  Perhaps you should give the
>curator
> > the benefit of the doubt, since his actions may not have been intended
>to
> > hurt, anger or insult you -
> >
> > John Suau
> > Manager, Meetings, Professional Education and Diversity
> > American Association of Museums
> > Washington, DC 20005
> >
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: stevensg
> > To: [log in to unmask]
> > Sent: 4/28/01 3:06 AM
> > Subject: Re: Insulted by Curator, Seek Advice
> >
> > Belinda,
> >
> > My advice is to LET IT GO.  Frankly, your concerns seem more appropriate
> > for
> > "Dear Abby" than for this Listserve.  That being said, however, there
> > are a
> > few things to think about.
> >
> > 1. You state your record of volunteerism.  Good for you for giving so
> > much of
> > your time and energy!  I'm sure the gallery experience will be useful in
> > your
> > future endeavors. REMEMBER THAT.
> >
> > 2. You should maintain a positive attitude about this work experience,
> > both in
> > reflection and your future career.  NEVER burn bridges.  Unless you (and
> > your
> > boyfriend) grossly misbehaved on your last day "farewell," (or any other
> > time)
> > there is no reason to NOT use this gallery as a reference.  Is there
> > anyone
> > else in this gallery that might serve as a reliable reference?
> >
> > 3. Related to the above issue, I offer this caveat.  Please don't be
> > offended
> > by my remarks.  From the tone of your plea, and guessing about your
> > education
> > level, you (and your boyfriend) sound young and somewhat inexperienced
> > in
> > dealing with people in this kind of (unfortunate) circumstance.  It may
> > not
> > need to be said, as you may have already deduced this yourself, but
> > essentially your boyfriend LIED to the curator.  He SHOULD have said,
> > and
> > nothing more, "I'm sorry, but we're moving out of town in a couple of
> > days.
> > I'm sure Belinda would like to stay in touch with you. Does she have
> > your
> > BUSINESS card?" Period. Or something to that effect.  By lying to the
> > curator,
> > your boyfriend may have irked the curator more than this simple (but
> > DIPLOMATIC) "Thanks, but I'm not interested" would have. Now you have to
> > deal
> > with the fact that the curator may call the disconnected number or
> > receive an
> > "unknown address" email, or worse, may contact some unknowing person by
> > email,
> > because your boyfriend had to make up a lie. That kind of scenario
> > happens in
> > bars all the time. NOT a very professional interaction, on ANYONE's
> > part.  In
> > effect, you have set the tone for NOT being able to use the curator as a
> > reference.  Too bad. Not a very mature move.
> >
> > 4. Lots of people (gay AND straight) receive unsolicited advances. It is
> > really unfortunate that this curator acted in (as you describe) this
> > unprofessional manner.  It would have been your (yours because your
> > boyfriend
> > represented you in this setting) opportunity to react in a VERY
> > professional
> > manner.  I hope you both learned something from the encounter.
> >
> > 5. Although you say you harbor no ill feelings toward gay people, your
> > actions
> > (and those of your boyfriend) seem to prove (if only subliminally)
> > otherwise.
> > I would ask of you, personally, to not let the actions of ONE individual
> > influence your perceptions of a significant part of our population.  We
> > all
> > make stupid mistakes when we get nervous, as your boyfriend did.  We all
> > need
> > to "lighten up."  You will be happier in the long run.  By the way, it
> > sounds
> > like YOU were more insulted than your BOYFRIEND.  Don't let that kind of
> > nonsense get in the way of your career.  You will meet ALL KINDS of
> > people
> > (good and bad, gay and straight, black and white, young and old) out
> > there.
> > Better to learn something good from all of this.
> >
> > Good luck to you.
> >
> > Greg
> >
> >  >===== Original Message From Museum discussion list
> > <[log in to unmask]> =====
> > >Hello Everyone::
> > >
> > >This is a bit of an odd question...to begin, I have been volunteering
> > at
> > >a commercial gallery consistently from Sept 2000-April 2001 and have
> > >been showing up at regular time and spending more time volunteering
> > then
> > >I had originally thought.  I am also the only volunteer at this
> > >gallery.  I have enjoyed this experience and have looked up to the
> > >curator, who will remain unnamed.  However, today I went in for my last
> > >day to say "good bye" as I am only here for school (University), and
> > now
> > >that finals are done I am heading home.  This was known and it was nice
> > >to get together to talk with the curator.  I should also mention that I
> > >went in with my boyfriend whom he (the curator) has met previously
> > (many
> > >times as my boyfriend has at times dropped me off; the curator also
> > >knows that we have been dating for a few years).  I should also mention
> > >that the curator is gay, and is openly gay (by the way I do not have
> > any
> > >problems with this).  What happened is that he (the curator) ended up
> > >asking my boyfriend for his number and his e-mail which my boyfriend
> > >gave knowing that his number will be disconnected in two days as he is
> > >moving too.  As for the e-mail he gave the wrong one. I don't know what
> > >I should do or if I should do anything, this has caused me to feel
> > >unappreciated, insulted and I feel strongly angry at myself for not
> > >saying anything.  My boyfriend has been supportive and is insulted by
> > >this curator, and feels that he is "not a good person".  This is
> > >especially magnified, since he didn't ask for my contacts and made it
> > so
> > >blatantly obvious that he was "interested" only in my boyfriend, as he
> > >numerously interrupted me to talk to my boyfriend.
> > >I personally do not feel that this curator is useful in terms of
> > >"resume/reference" and still feel deeply hurt by this event.  I guess
> > >what I am asking then is for the museum-L subscriber to advise me if I
> > >should do anything or not?  And if anyone has been in some similar
> > >position what to do??
> > >Thank you for all those who reply, your advice will be greatly
> > >appreciated as I am left hurt by this incident.
> > >~Belinda
> > >
> > >=========================================================
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> >
> > Greg Stevens
> > M.A.T. Candidate 2001
> > Museum Education Program
> > The George Washington University
> >
> > =========================================================
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