A light side to the issue.....
Author unknown
It's that time of year to start planning for the holidays...
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
RE: Christmas Party
DATE: December 1st
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
place on December 23, starting at noon in the banquet room at Luigi's
Open Pit Barbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog! We'll have a small
band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be
surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!
A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 p.m. Exchange of gifts among
employees can be done at that time, however, no gift should be over
$10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets.
This gathering is only for employees! A special announcement will be
made by our CEO at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty
-------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
RE: Holiday Party
DATE: December 2nd
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday which
often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same
policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time.
There will be no Christmas tree present. No, Christmas carols sung. We
will have other type of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty
-------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
RE: Holiday Party
DATE: December 3
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a nondrinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to
accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA
Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle
this? Somebody? Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are
allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and
executives believe $10.00 is very little for a gift.
No gifts exchange will be allowed.
Patty
-------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
RE: Holiday Party
DATE: December 7
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the
Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a
luncheon this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees'
beliefs. Perhaps Luigi's can hold off on serving your meal until the end
of the party...the days are so short this time of year...or else package
everything for take home in little foil swans. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit
farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table
closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other.
Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own
table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.
To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross dressing
allowed though. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat
food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt
used in the food. We suggest for those people with high blood problems
to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the
restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?
Patty
-------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
RE: Holiday Party
DATE: December 8
So December 22 marks the Winter Solstice...what do you expect to do, a
tap dance on your heads? Fire regulations at Luigi's prohibit the
burning of sage by our "earth-based Goddess-worshiping" employees, but
we'll try to accommodate your shamanic drumming circle during the band's
breaks. Okay???
Patty
-------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
RE: Holiday Party
DATE: December 9
People, people, nothing sinister was intended by having our CEO dress
up like Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be
"Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red
suit." It's a tradition, folks, like sugar shock at Halloween or family
feuds over the thanksgiving turkey or broken hearts on Valentine's Day.
Could we lighten up? Please????????? Also the company has changed their
mind in announcing the special announcement at the gathering. You will
get a notification in the mail sent to your home.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All #%&$**@ Employees
RE: The %#*&^%@*%^Holiday Party
DATE: December 10
I have no#%&*@*^ idea what the announcement is all about. What the
%#&^!@ do I care...I KNOW WHAT I AM GOING TO GET!!!!!!!!!!!!
You change your address now and your are dead!!!!!!!!!!!! No more
changes of address will be allowed in my office. Try to come in and
change your address, I will have you hung from the ceiling in the
warehouse!!!!!!!!!!!
Vegetarians!?!?!? I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep
this party at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue whether you like it or not, so
you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as
you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your #$%^&*! salad bar, including
hydroponic tomatoes. But you know, they have feelings, too. Tomatoes
scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them
scream right now! HA! I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Terri Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
DATE: December 14
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery
from her stress-related illness and I'll continue to forward your cards
to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to
cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off
with full pay.
Happy Holidays!
Terri
See what happens when you leave CHRISTmas out of the equasion?
quotes).
=========================================================
Important Subscriber Information:
The Museum-L FAQ file is located at http://www.finalchapter.com/museum-l-faq/ . You may obtain detailed information about the listserv commands by sending a one line e-mail message to [log in to unmask] . The body of the message should read "help" (without the quotes).
If you decide to leave Museum-L, please send a one line e-mail message to [log in to unmask] . The body of the message should read "Signoff Museum-L" (without the quotes).
|
