OK, I had vowed to step away from the breastfeeding debate but this post
bothered me. When my daughter was an infant, she went with me to a wide
variety of museums and galleries. I couldn't afford a babysitter. She also
loved nursing, but consistently refused a bottle, so expressing beforehand
was not an option. Babies, like people, are not all alike. You can have all
sorts of expectations, but babies will happily ignore them.

So what did I do when she began to fuss in a museum? I am one of those
parents who tried to be considerate of the experience of other patrons. So I
never let her get worked up before I dealt with the situation. If there was
a secluded area available, I used it to nurse. I even resorted to bathrooms
when I had to. (In my case, it wasn't out of shame, but out of need as my
ultra-curious infant would not nurse if there was anything interesting going
on, even if she was hungry.)

Today my daughter is six. She grew up going to museums and as a result, she
knows how to behave in one. She knows about not running, not touching, not
shouting. She also knows  about pointillism and still life and sculpture and
the expressive possibilities of media used by artists. She knows how lives
once looked different without the material objects we have around us today.
She knows how people dressed differently and did different things--and that
some things have not changed. She can tell you how the oils on your hands
can damage art--she wouldn't even touch a pair of white gloves I had in my
office because she didn't want to soil them for when I needed them later.
Granted, she is the child of a museum professional. But most of what she
knows about art and historical museums was learned by going to them.

She also knows how to behave in movie theaters and fine restaurants. She can
sit through a full-length ballet. Whenever we're on an airplane, she is so
well-behaved that inevitably the person in front of her is surprised at the
end of the flight that they were sitting in front of a child. She says
please and thank you without prompting. She is intensely creative and
erudite.

She didn't get this way by being left at home. She got this way by
experience and exposure. Is she perfect? No. She's six and she can drive me
nuts. She can squirm so much I'm amazed she doesn't give off light. She has
her bad days. But she has always been treated with respect and has always
returned that respect accordingly. The groundwork laid when she was an
infant bore fruit later on, when she was old enough to alter her actions to
suit expectations of behavior.

She would be a very different child if she'd always been left at home. In
fact, it's the kids who DO get left at home all the time who don't know how
to behave in public settings.


Astrida
******************
Astrida Schaeffer, Assistant Director
The Art Gallery
University of New Hampshire
Paul Creative Arts Center
30 College Road
Durham, NH 03824
(603) 862-3712
[log in to unmask]

******************



> -----Original Message-----
> From: John Martinson [mailto:[log in to unmask]]
> Sent: Monday, June 30, 2003 12:15 PM
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: Re: Visitor conduct, sensitive issues...
>
>
> I believe we are ignoring one important factor with this
> issue, and that is
> the "other"
> guest, patrons or visitors in the gallery.   When the infant
> is crying and
> screaming for
> food, why not ask the other guest if they are being disturbed
> by the noise
> level?
>
> Guest/patrons paid good money to enjoy their visit to the
> gallery, and with
> a screaming
> child wanting food---do they deserve to have their experience
> and visited
> ruined?
> Why not allow nursing mothers in libraries?  Movies?
>
> When someone is trying to study, read, etc., having any noise
> is difficult.
> And I'm
> sorry, galleries, libraries and movie houses are just not suited for
> infants, when other
> people are trying to enjoy the event.   I've been to many movies and
> galleries, and it often
> takes two-to-ten minutes of crying before the baby settles down or the
> parents have the consideration for others to take their
> infant out.   But,
> by then the rest of us missed the movie or cannot even enjoy
> our own visit.
> I beleive many theathers have on their previews instructions
> to remove a
> crying child, and many have lounges to handle nursing an infant.
>
> I have no intention of being crude by saying this, but as far as women
> feeding their babies in public is it preverted to look?
> Hey, I'm a guy!
> ;o)  But, other women also look, including children.   I
> would look at a
> women top-less at a beach or exposing herself in a public
> place.  It is not
> preverted.   Sometimes you look because you are shocked to
> see a breast
> hanging out in public or someone running around topless.  Remember the
> streaking days?   You cannot help from looking---but it
> distrubed the game
> or event.  Even in many churches, infants are provided a
> nusery.  Maybe this
> may solve the issue.
>
> Again, nursing mothers can express milk before they go out
> for the evening
> to stop that hurting nibble.  They can also get a baby sitter
> for a few
> hours to get out and enjoy a gallery/museum (I'm sure most
> mother's would
> like the time away) without distrubing other guest that would
> like some
> peace and enjoyment while visiting the gallery.
>
> Again, IMHO, it is ignornate for parents to bring infants to
> such public
> places, when the infant/child is to young to even know what
> they are seeing
> or doing.   And for them (the parents or mother) to destroy
> my enjoyment, or
> that of other patrons is inconsiderate, rude and should not
> be allowed in a
> public place where others have paid admission to see and enjoy.   As a
> guest, I would demand my money back.   Galleries and exhibits
> are spaces to
> learn -- and it is a proven fact that it is difficult to
> learn with noise
> and distractions are taking place.
>
> Again, the focus has been on the nursing mother, and we have
> ignored the
> rest of the visitors' enjoyment.   A crying baby or nursing
> mother is a
> distraction, that should be handled in a private area,
> leaving the rest of
> the patrons free to relax and enjoy the gallery.  The parent
> should have the
> reasoning to take the child out, handle the issue or have the
> resources
> there to calm the child immediately or not bring the infant at all.
>
> This has nothing to do with ole' Victorian customs, but just
> common courtesy
> for the rest of our guest.
>
> ~~~  Toro!
>
> John
>
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