An open letter to the Kansas School Board from the
new FSM theorists of how we got here:

http://www.venganza.org  
	(Illus., but text also shown below as well)

	And 3 responses from members of the Kansas School Board:
http://www.venganza.org/response.htm

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OPEN LETTER TO KANSAS SCHOOL BOARD 

I am writing you with much concern after having 
read of your hearing to decide whether the
alternative theory of Intelligent Design should be 
taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think
we can all agree that it is important for students 
to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for
themselves the theory that makes the most sense 
to them. I am concerned, however, that students
will only hear one theory of Intelligent Design.

Let us remember that there are multiple theories 
of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the
world are of the strong belief that the universe 
was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was
He who created all that we see and all that we 
feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming
scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary 
processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in
place by Him.

It is for this reason that I'm writing you today, 
to formally request that this alternative theory be
taught in your schools, along with the other two 
theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do
not agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed 
with legal action.I'm sure you see where we are
coming from. If the Intelligent Design theory is not 
based on faith, but instead another scientific
theory, as is claimed, then you must also allow our 
theory to be taught, as it is also based on
science, not on faith.

Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful 
to tell you a little more about our beliefs. We
have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created
the universe. None of us, of course, were
around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. 
We have several lengthy volumes explaining all
details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to 
hear that there are over 10 million of us, and
growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many 
people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by
observable evidence. What these people don't under-
stand is that He built the world to make us
think the earth is older than it really is. For 
example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating
process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 
75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron
emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this 
artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the
half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. 
But what our scientist does not realize is that
every time he makes a measurement, the Flying 
Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with
His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that 
describe in detail how this can be possible
and the reasons why He does this. He is of course 
invisible and can pass through normal matter
with ease. 

I'm sure you now realize how important it is that 
your students are taught this alternate theory. It is
absolutely imperative that they realize that 
observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying
Spaghetti Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful 
to teach our beliefs without wearing His chosen
outfit, which of course is full pirate regalia. I 
cannot stress the importance of this enough, and
unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this 
must be done as I fear this letter is already
becoming too long. The concise explanation is that 
He becomes angry if we don't. 

You may be interested to know that global warming, 
earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural
disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking 
numbers of Pirates since the 1800s. For your interest, 
I have included a graph of the approximate number of 
pirates versus the average global temperature
over the last 200 years. As you can see, there is a 
statistically significant inverse relationship
between pirates and global temperature. 

In conclusion, thank you for taking the time to 
hear our views and beliefs. I hope I was able to
convey the importance of teaching this theory to 
your students. We will of course be able to train
the teachers in this alternate theory. I am eagerly
awaiting your response, and hope dearly that no
legal action will need to be taken. I think we can 
all look forward to the time when these three
theories are given equal time in our science class-
rooms across the country, and eventually the
world; One third time for Intelligent Design, one 
third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and
one third time for logical conjecture based on 
overwhelming observable evidence.

Sincerely Yours,

Bobby Henderson, concerned citizen.

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