Well put, Steven.  Thank you for articulating a tolerant attitude towards
"difference." Perhaps, Belinda, because you know that the curator is gay,
you assume (as many straight men and women do) that any interest in another
person of the same sex is necessarily tied to that person's sexual desires.
I don't quite understand how asking for your boyfriend's e-mail and phone
and asking him about his work? (you neglected to tell us what they talked
about) is automatically be a "come on."  Perhaps you should give the curator
the benefit of the doubt, since his actions may not have been intended to
hurt, anger or insult you -

John Suau
Manager, Meetings, Professional Education and Diversity
American Association of Museums
Washington, DC 20005

-----Original Message-----
From: stevensg
To: [log in to unmask]
Sent: 4/28/01 3:06 AM
Subject: Re: Insulted by Curator, Seek Advice

Belinda,

My advice is to LET IT GO.  Frankly, your concerns seem more appropriate
for
"Dear Abby" than for this Listserve.  That being said, however, there
are a
few things to think about.

1. You state your record of volunteerism.  Good for you for giving so
much of
your time and energy!  I'm sure the gallery experience will be useful in
your
future endeavors. REMEMBER THAT.

2. You should maintain a positive attitude about this work experience,
both in
reflection and your future career.  NEVER burn bridges.  Unless you (and
your
boyfriend) grossly misbehaved on your last day "farewell," (or any other
time)
there is no reason to NOT use this gallery as a reference.  Is there
anyone
else in this gallery that might serve as a reliable reference?

3. Related to the above issue, I offer this caveat.  Please don't be
offended
by my remarks.  From the tone of your plea, and guessing about your
education
level, you (and your boyfriend) sound young and somewhat inexperienced
in
dealing with people in this kind of (unfortunate) circumstance.  It may
not
need to be said, as you may have already deduced this yourself, but
essentially your boyfriend LIED to the curator.  He SHOULD have said,
and
nothing more, "I'm sorry, but we're moving out of town in a couple of
days.
I'm sure Belinda would like to stay in touch with you. Does she have
your
BUSINESS card?" Period. Or something to that effect.  By lying to the
curator,
your boyfriend may have irked the curator more than this simple (but
DIPLOMATIC) "Thanks, but I'm not interested" would have. Now you have to
deal
with the fact that the curator may call the disconnected number or
receive an
"unknown address" email, or worse, may contact some unknowing person by
email,
because your boyfriend had to make up a lie. That kind of scenario
happens in
bars all the time. NOT a very professional interaction, on ANYONE's
part.  In
effect, you have set the tone for NOT being able to use the curator as a
reference.  Too bad. Not a very mature move.

4. Lots of people (gay AND straight) receive unsolicited advances. It is
really unfortunate that this curator acted in (as you describe) this
unprofessional manner.  It would have been your (yours because your
boyfriend
represented you in this setting) opportunity to react in a VERY
professional
manner.  I hope you both learned something from the encounter.

5. Although you say you harbor no ill feelings toward gay people, your
actions
(and those of your boyfriend) seem to prove (if only subliminally)
otherwise.
I would ask of you, personally, to not let the actions of ONE individual
influence your perceptions of a significant part of our population.  We
all
make stupid mistakes when we get nervous, as your boyfriend did.  We all
need
to "lighten up."  You will be happier in the long run.  By the way, it
sounds
like YOU were more insulted than your BOYFRIEND.  Don't let that kind of
nonsense get in the way of your career.  You will meet ALL KINDS of
people
(good and bad, gay and straight, black and white, young and old) out
there.
Better to learn something good from all of this.

Good luck to you.

Greg

 >===== Original Message From Museum discussion list
<[log in to unmask]> =====
>Hello Everyone::
>
>This is a bit of an odd question...to begin, I have been volunteering
at
>a commercial gallery consistently from Sept 2000-April 2001 and have
>been showing up at regular time and spending more time volunteering
then
>I had originally thought.  I am also the only volunteer at this
>gallery.  I have enjoyed this experience and have looked up to the
>curator, who will remain unnamed.  However, today I went in for my last
>day to say "good bye" as I am only here for school (University), and
now
>that finals are done I am heading home.  This was known and it was nice
>to get together to talk with the curator.  I should also mention that I
>went in with my boyfriend whom he (the curator) has met previously
(many
>times as my boyfriend has at times dropped me off; the curator also
>knows that we have been dating for a few years).  I should also mention
>that the curator is gay, and is openly gay (by the way I do not have
any
>problems with this).  What happened is that he (the curator) ended up
>asking my boyfriend for his number and his e-mail which my boyfriend
>gave knowing that his number will be disconnected in two days as he is
>moving too.  As for the e-mail he gave the wrong one. I don't know what
>I should do or if I should do anything, this has caused me to feel
>unappreciated, insulted and I feel strongly angry at myself for not
>saying anything.  My boyfriend has been supportive and is insulted by
>this curator, and feels that he is "not a good person".  This is
>especially magnified, since he didn't ask for my contacts and made it
so
>blatantly obvious that he was "interested" only in my boyfriend, as he
>numerously interrupted me to talk to my boyfriend.
>I personally do not feel that this curator is useful in terms of
>"resume/reference" and still feel deeply hurt by this event.  I guess
>what I am asking then is for the museum-L subscriber to advise me if I
>should do anything or not?  And if anyone has been in some similar
>position what to do??
>Thank you for all those who reply, your advice will be greatly
>appreciated as I am left hurt by this incident.
>~Belinda
>
>=========================================================
>Important Subscriber Information:
>
>The Museum-L FAQ file is located at
http://www.finalchapter.com/museum-l-faq/
. You may obtain detailed information about the listserv commands by
sending a
one line e-mail message to [log in to unmask] . The body of
the
message should
>read "help" (without the quotes).
>
>If you decide to leave Museum-L, please send a one line e-mail message
to
[log in to unmask] . The body of the message should read
"Signoff
Museum-L" (without the quotes).

Greg Stevens
M.A.T. Candidate 2001
Museum Education Program
The George Washington University

=========================================================
Important Subscriber Information:

The Museum-L FAQ file is located at
http://www.finalchapter.com/museum-l-faq/ . You may obtain detailed
information about the listserv commands by sending a one line e-mail
message to [log in to unmask] . The body of the message should
read "help" (without the quotes).

If you decide to leave Museum-L, please send a one line e-mail message
to [log in to unmask] . The body of the message should read
"Signoff Museum-L" (without the quotes).

=========================================================
Important Subscriber Information:

The Museum-L FAQ file is located at http://www.finalchapter.com/museum-l-faq/ . You may obtain detailed information about the listserv commands by sending a one line e-mail message to [log in to unmask] . The body of the message should read "help" (without the quotes).

If you decide to leave Museum-L, please send a one line e-mail message to [log in to unmask] . The body of the message should read "Signoff Museum-L" (without the quotes).