My point simply was that I am in agreement with the original lister that the
best way to teach children appropriate behavior is by exposing them to
actual situations, and then having them behave appropriately in those
situations. I have yet to meet a situation where a 5-year old's behavior is
not the result of decisions and teachings of the parent/guardian. The
question of what kid likes what is a totally different question. Obviously
to drag a kid who does not like museums to museums is not a good move, but
that is precisely where a parent usually makes a bad decision. But a parent
who cannot get a 5-year old to behave in a socially acceptable manner in a
situation in which the kid is not happy is not doing the job of parenting
well.

I agree with you that today's commercial speech and other social factors
make the job of parenting harder. I don't agree that growing up in NYC has
much bearing on the issue. The issue of 'terror' is particularly bogus. Kids
in London, Berlin, Moscow and Tokyo after WWII behaved to appropriate norms
despite experiencing true terror for years on end (Instead of a one-time
incident that had a significant casualty list, but in essence is nothing
more than a destruction of five buildings). The exploitation of the event by
politicians and media is a different question.

But even here we have a parental decision. A good friend of mine, who
believed like you in the over stimulating qualities of urban areas, moved
from Philly to the Poconos to ensure that the kids could grow up at a saner
pace. The cost-significant loss of potential income. The gain-well-behaved
kids, and a parent who knew that he acted as a parent should-maximizing the
potential for good upbringing according to his value system.

In the end, people do not act according to the simplified Pavlovian model
(stimulus>response), people act according to the
"stimulus>decision>response" model.  It is the parent's job to ensure that
the "decision" part of the model is as appropriate as possible in each
situation for a 5 or 15 year-old.

N. Burlakoff



-----Original Message-----
From: Museum discussion list [mailto:[log in to unmask]]On Behalf
Of Tammy Espaillat
Sent: Monday, June 30, 2003 5:24 PM
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Re: Babies in museums

The parent is very well trained actually. The child is fine, he is the
youngest of 3 who unlike him were very well behaved in social situations.
(use past tense because they are now teenagers).
Nowadays, with even cartoons showing aggression and violence it has become
just that more difficult to censor the eyes and ears of our young. Add to
that, living in NYC with all the noise, commotion and terror that we were
recently exposed to it's no wonder that some kids have that extra boost of
energy to burn.
My comment was also meant as a friendly joke to the proud parent of the
seemingly phenomenal 6 year old that knows about "pointillism and still life
and sculpture and the expressive possibilities of media used by artists."
Unlike my little boy who is easily bored with museums, and is more familiar
and at ease with Crayola, sidewalk chalk and sprinklers in the city parks.

Tammy Espaillat
Just Plastics




On 6/30/03 1:53 PM, "Nicholas Burlakoff" <[log in to unmask]> wrote:

> The kid is probably fine, it's the parents that need some training.
>

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